One reason why this thought raced through my head is because last night I made some points that were poorly tied to the text and unclear. I remember thinking in the middle of the talk, "I don't know where I am going with this." Then I was also shot through by a thought from the book "Applying the Sermon" saying, "if the preacher doesn't understand, how in the world could the people possibly understand?" All of this compounds to make me realize, I need to do a better job in preparation.
Why did I make this observation? Because, sometimes I get spiritual envy. I wish I could do what Francis does. But, what I need to learn is that it is more important that I recognize my calling and live in it. Instead of wishing I was leading thousands of people in California, I should be leading a handful of students in Beloit well. Instead of wishing I was writing books, I should focus on writing things that make sense and apply to our students. Instead of standing up every week with a couple of notes scribbled on a weak outline, I should have written out what I am going to say. Instead of pretending I am gifted enough to 'wing it', I should be prepared.
Two lessons that I learned last night. First, it is better to be faithful. God may never see me fit to lead more than 100 people. So, I shouldn't look on other more "successful" ministries with lust filled eyed. I need to recognize that God can and is using me here. A student came up to me last night and expressed how God is at work in her life through the ministry that I am a part of here. What could possibly be better than that? I need to remain faithful. Second, I have to know myself well. I cannot pretend to be someone I am not. Although Chan can probably come up with a message backstage before speaking to thousands, I cannot. I need to do the leg work and preparation before hand. I cannot skip out on hard work and expect for miraculous things to happen. That is presumptuous. For me to deliver a God honoring message probably means that I need to write out in full and prayerfully re-work and edit the message a couple times.
Faithfulness sometimes calls us to do the hard work. Sometimes Jesus gives us the strength but also essentially says, "you do it."
This is a reminder to all of us that we need to live the lives that God calls us to. You are uniquely you. God has wired and gifted you to do what only you can. So live in it. Be faithful to Jesus and carry out your task today.
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