Insufficient yet Necessary?

I was having a conversation with a friend a couple of winters ago... I had learned so much and was eager to share. I pretty much regurgitated so much of what God had been teaching me at the time about the nature of God and the absolute absurdity of casual Christianity. Looking back I probably could have said things in a much gentler way but I was fired up and passionate about supposed Christ followers taking the fame and glory and renown of Jesus more seriously. The last thing we need is for churches to crank out wishy-washy followers that can't last a week of actual following in the footsteps of Jesus. I was tired of nominal faith that can be lived from a sofa. I want something real. I still do. 

But after seeing that my friend was crying and obviously heartbroken by the scriptures I was sharing... I said, "whoops... maybe I should have just given you a sermon or a book, I didn't mean to be the bearer of bad news." But, her response was telling and revealing and it still haunts me; "No, I don't need a sermon... sometimes you need to be told by someone you know and trust." 

A light went on... for some reason God ordained that his ministry be dispersed by frail people. For some reason, unknown to me, God has orchestrated that his word is taught and proclaimed by people.There is something mysterious that happens when someone in proximity to you proclaims the word. God has designed that someone close enough to you teach the word. There has to be some sort of connection. I suppose it is proximity or at least rapport. Most highschool students in the Beloit area are not going to download Louie Gigglio or Francis Chan or John Piper unless they have heard about them... More realistically they might wander into a church service for students and hopefully hear the Word. So, as I turn that statement over and over in my head I am reminded that God chose me. He appointed me. For some reason he chose to make me necessary.

Here is the other side of the coin... insufficient. The words of the apostle Paul haunt me as well, "who is sufficient for these things?" If he felt that way then what hope do I have? I am not half the man that Paul was. I only dream of becoming like him. Here is the beauty of feeling the inadequacy of being a minister of Christ: Humility. There is nothing more humbling than proclaiming the word of God, spiritually leading others, discipling converts, and all the other tasks of the ministry. I may have done well as an athlete or as a businessman or in many other fields but as a minster I am dually unfit. First, I am a mere man with 'a thorn in my flesh.' 'I am a man of unclean lips and I come from a people of unclean lips.' I have flaws. As great as I ever thought I was, the ministry has brought me low. Secondly, I am given an impossible task. I am called to exclaim the glory of Christ to people that think the cross is foolishness(1 Cor 1:18). I am called to speak to a group that is def and blind(Isaiah 6:10, 2 Cor 4:4, 1 John 2:11). 

So, I am insufficient yet necessary. How does that add up? It adds up by God showing me the depths of his grace. I am made sufficient by the righteousness of Christ. I am clothed in glory and honor because of the magnificence of God and not Cory Williams. I am frail and humbled and insufficient but he chose to use me to show his greatness and worth and mercy and power. He is awesome! I am puny! I am a mess and God takes my little mess and is writing a beautiful story. I haven't earned what I have... I was chosen then equipped and not by my strength so I could boast in my greatness. But I was supplied a strength from Him. God is so good. I cannot even begin to tell you how good he is to me!?